i met a girl on a school trip. We are from the same area; she lives about 45 minutes away, and we go to different schools. I only got to meet her at the very end of our trip, and the most i got was a hug whenwe parted. she seemed very comfortable talking about her boyfriend around me. They've been going out for 6 months. I made it perfectly clear that i wanted her to all her friends, knowing they would tell. i'm sure they did and she knows. i was flirting with her the whole time. people say she's not serious about him and her education comes first. (i think that's cute)

The Playa:

This is a long shot, but if she's 45 minutes away, and you're in the same "area," is this implying that you're rural?

If you're rural, you just may have access to the world's number one natural non-man made girlfriend stealing device: the horse. Chicks love horses, and if you have access to one, ask her to come and ride with you.

She will be in heaven, you will be cool, and for the rest, you will need nothing additional to have her.

--now--ever since then (about 3 weeks) we have talked on the phone. When i ask what she's been doing, and if she was at his house(if she really was, not if i ask if she was), she'll say "I was at (big obvious hesitation) a friend's house." Is that good?

The Playa:

Yes. What we're seeing here is a significant other role reversal. She's interested in you in some way, so she doesn't want you to "find out" about the time she's spending with the boyfriend.

She's practically begging to be stolen.

Ted Carpenter:

at first she covered up the calls for me. when her boyfriend found out, he tried to take my number with him so she couldn't call and he planned to call me and tell me to stop calling. She told me this and i laughed for a pretty long time. she talked him out of it. her friends make fun of him and say he cries alot.

The Playa:

You'll go far. When the boyfriend is freaking out, you're playing it cool and laughing. The boyfriend is looking like an immature creep, and you're coming across as manly and in control, laughing it off.

I'm definately not scared of him. i'm pretty sure he's gonna pick a fight with me. in one particular conversation i even got her to say bad things about him. i said "he's doing that because he doesn't trust you" she said "i know, he doesn't. It's stupid." so anyway i'm leaving friday to go to a party her friends are having. Me and two friends who met people from her town are going. Her and her boyfriend will be at the party. i can't loosen her up with alcohol, cause she doesn't drink. and i'd look like an ass-hole if i got drunk around her and she didn't like it. so i need to win her over now, before the calling fades away and i never see her again.

she saw me without a shirt once and later said i have "big'ol muscles"(south alabama girl). i compliment her alot and she thanks me and laughs.--our future---when i ask her out, she says "what about my boyfriend?" and i've been replying "forget about him." she never goes out with me. What should I reply?

The Playa:

OK, here's advice from Playa:

She: "What about my boyfriend?"
Playa: "There's two ways you can look at this... either he trusts you to be able to have male friends, in which case it's OK, or he doesn't. If he doesn't trust you, then can you really want to be in this relationship? Trust is at the core of everything, so if he can't trust you, then he can't respect you or love you. He can only own you.
If he does trust you, then it should be fine. Unless, of course, you feel this trust in you is misplaced. Is there something I should know about how you feel about me?"

Again, the dual nature of these comments is very powerful. You're alienating her from her boyfriend by laying the seeds of doubt about trust, and at the same time, you're making her admit to feelings she has about you.

If she replies positively that she feels some attraction, then you can come on with:

Playa: "I'm surprised you feel that way, but I'm glad. To tell you the truth, I've felt the same way..."

Make it look to her like the both of you are being pulled together by some irresistable force. It's fate.

help me dude! I'm in love with this girl. send something back asap. i need some tips on what to do when i first see her again friday. I'm planning a big hug where i lean over, hug, and pick her up off the ground with a kiss on the neck slipped in so nobody sees and only she knows. it would be best right around her boyfriend. then she would know how i really feel. i'm also planning on tellin her she looks beautiful hoping i beat her boyfriend to it and maybe even that i love her. what do you think?

The Playa:

(a) Love is a four letter word. Chicks do not dig this coming from a guy that they're not already bent into knots about. Getting that word out of you should be a battle for her, and it's the battle that holds her interest. If you say the four letter word, then she's won without even fighting, and you're a sissy pushover, and she's on to the next challenge. You're in the power seat because you're forbidden fruit, and she's at least partially interested in you. If you say this word, you'll become yesterday's silly dalliance.

(b) If you tell her she's beautiful, you should frame it in a subtle way, and make the comment that you want to tell her this, but you're sure she hears it from her boyfriend all the time. What? She doesn't? You just don't get it, you just don't get it.

(c) If you make moves around the boyfriend, be prepared for a rabbit punch, and/or making a scene which will disturb her. A true girlfriend stealer is a fisherman... put out the bait, and lure them in. Fisticuffs and shenanigans are for our cavemen bretheren. But, the key thing here is that if you force the matter in front of the boyfriend, it's an all or nothing ploy, and she may not like it. Lure her into making the choices that you want, don't push her into things.

Her boyfriend has seen me and doesn't like me, so what if she replies "He trusts me, he just doesn't trust you."?

The Playa:

Laugh and say, "Maybe he shouldn't" (shake your head and look at either the sky or the earth while smiling). Repeat.

Ted Carpenter:

She said she couldn't leave her boyfriend for too long or he'd get upset. I told her i'd be jealous too and that made her smile. when i had to leave, i hugged her once

The Playa:

That was a good move.

Ted Carpenter:

So analyze, compute, figure stuff out, do whatever, just help me get this girl.

The Playa:

You're in the end run here. There's not many other tricks you can pull.You'll either have to be patient and wait, or move on to someone else.

Ted Carpenter:

Here's something else. 99% percent of our phone conversations have me calling. Is that ok? think she's not interested in me on the phone?

The Playa:

This is not OK.

Remember, you have to get her to want you. The primary way of getting her to want you is to appear that she can't have you. If you're constantly calling her, she's getting her ego stroked (a bit too much). You've crossed a bad line here... what you want to be doing this stuff:

Call her, talk for two minutes, then say, "Shit! I forgot to call [insert name of imaginary or real girl here]! We're supposed to go out tonight, she's going to be pissed... I have to run, I'll call you back tomorrow." Then, call four days later. If she asks you why you didn't call, then she's biting the hook. Give it a little tug and say, "Oh, I'm sorry... I forgot." Ohhhhh she'll crave the ego stroking now, because she'll feel like you're losing some interest.

Or, make plans to come out and see her, then cancel the day before with something a bit more important.

Follow these rules:

1. Never call when you say you're going to call. Always call at least a day late.
2. Never call twice in one week.
3. If you call her, never talk for more than 15 minutes. Have something important which you have to go do, or someone else that you have to go see, or a party or something to go attend.
4. Never call her twice in a row, let her place the next call.

The goal of these rules is simple: you want to show her some attention, but you have to use the attention you give her AS A REWARD. If you lavish her with attention and compliments right now, you're the boring sappy pushover.

Besides, if she craves the attention and secretly loves it, and you're giving it to her without her having to change her situation, then she can use one of the girlfriendstealer's mottos on you, namely, "Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?" She's got TWO boys throwing lots of attention her way. She's in control, and doesn't even have to pickup the phone.

So, be cool. Be the thing that she wants, and cannot have. The first step is by fixing your phone habits. You'll never get anywhere by what you're doing right now.

Here's a couple tricks that I have used (just for the fun affect on some of my friends with boyfriends to tease them, and to excercise my powers for the time I find a ripe target):

1. Call and leave a message, ask them to call you, when they call you back don't return their call. Let them call two more times before you call them back. They will be frantic. Chicks want the attention, and if you brush them off like this using the phone, they get all worked up and anxious for your attention.
2. Call and talk to the boyfriend a bit. End the conversation without talking to the girlfriend, or even mentioning her name. Don't even pass on a "tell her I said hi." When he tells her that you called and you didn't even ask for her, she'll get all worked up and call you.
3. This can only be used if they're in the same place together... when it comes time to leave, say goodbye to the boyfriend and pass along a goodbye to her (it's important to not just walk out, as that makes you look like an ass). She'll be worked up that you considered it important enough to say goodbye to him, but not her.

(2) and (3) mean that you can't have a hostile relationship with the boyfriend. In my case, it's true because I don't, and am not stealing hisgirlfriend. I just do it to tease her in a friendly way... when she gets on my case (in good humor) I say, "Oh, you didn't like that, did you?" I then take the feedback and use it to hone my skills.

Also, for the record, I do not advocate hostile girlfriendstealing. Violence is only funny if it happens to someone else.

Ted Carpenter:

i've got other questions i can't think of right now.

The Playa:

When you can snatch the pebble from my hand, Young Ted, you are ready to leave.

I'll leave you with this last little thing, based on a Seinfeld episode...think of your little girl as a shy squirrel. You're trying to coax her out and take some food from your hand. Don't make any large, sudden movements, or something silly like run after her. The goal, the art, and the satisfaction is in getting her to come to you. As girlfriendstealers, this is the only important thing. Keeping her is up to you, but we don't care about that.

DT

Hi there. I wrote to you a couple of months back about a girl that I was struggling with who is in the honeymoon stage. You said to be patient. So,I have moved on to another girl, but I still want the other girl badly.

The Playa:

Dear Drab Tostitos,

We said be patient, not give up!

And, we're a bit confused over here at the GirlfriendStealer HQ war room. What's the status of the girl you're currently focussing your attention on? Is she single? If so, forget her. If she does have a boyfriend, then you should play the two off against each other and end up stealing both.

DT

How long should I wait.

The Playa:

Until the honeymoon is over. It should be by now, according to the alignment of Mars and Jupiter in the nighttime sky.

DT

When do you know when to really give 100%.

The Playa:

You should bring out the hammer when you know it'll work. Sometimes that's just having a few drinks and jumping into bed... sometimes it's after months and maybe years of careful cultivation.

DT

I've pretty well just been a little more than a friend up to this point. Does flowers or anything like that work or would she think that I am too crazy for her.

The Playa:

Flowers are like the four letter L word. They are what she wants froma guy who won't give them to her, or who she's already dating, which means that it's probably the same guy. Flowers from a third party such as yourself are an open, unwelcome message. Your strengths are subtlety, double entendres, and implying what you mean but never saying it. You have to entice her, and the last thing you want to do is to come right out and say what you mean. If you ever bare your heart to her, she'll just stick the nearest sharp implement into it, and you're screwed. Besides, you should not become emotionally involved with your conquests. They are, after all, conquests.

DT

Do you have any ideas on what I should be doing daily to get her to think about me like I think about her.

The Playa:

Yeah. The typical stuff.

1. Don't call her, let her call you.
2. When she does call you, tell her about some hot chick you met.
3. Be called away from the phone, or leave the conversation because of the upcoming date with said hot chick.
4. Keep laying hints and subtle compliments.
5. If and when she returns a compliment, laugh at it (not evilly, but in a good natured kind of way...) "Really? I'm always surprised when people say that to me..." You come off as modest, whether you are or not.

Women want the men that women want. Remember that. If you already havea woman, it's easy to trade up. If you don't, you're stuck. So, geta woman and you can go from there to get this one.

The other basic tools of the girlfriendstealer remain:

1. Horses.
2. Motorcycles.
3. Dogs (puppies preferred)
4. Babies