|Hey, I'm actually a female, and I can probably give you all a few more tips in your endeavors. Why would I thus betray my own gender? Because I have tons of guy friends that keep getting dumped, cheated on, and generally mindf*cked by said gender. |
I've been there, in my younger days. I've dumped a guy because someone else seemed to present "a better deal", or whatever. But I was very young, and I learned from my mistakes that it's more important to make a givenrelationship work, than to keep chasing something better... and I apologized to the people I had wronged. The guys in question weren't just trying to "steal" me and then laugh, but I still know what techniques caused me to abandon whatever relationship I was in.
Meanwhile, my fellow "chicks" are still at it. Several of them will string multiple guys along at once. One of them married my best friend, then screwed around on him repeatedly (he let her come back), ruined his credit, etc. All because they don't friggin' know what they want and are always looking for a better deal.
Anyway, I thought I'd give you a few pointers from the female perspective,when attempting to steal a girlfriend. This is intended for those hard-to-crack cases and may be overkill (and too subtle) for easier targets.
Getting Her Interest
If she was an easy target, you wouldn't be reading this. Therefore, she is not the type to be impressed by your money or your sheer manliness. You'd better make sure you have something else that interests her, or she may just be out of your league. You need some kind of hook.
It's important to balance between focusing on yourself (talking about your problems, interests, etc) and showing interest in HER. You can't appear to be too self-centered, OR too selfless.
Timing is everything. Look for the signs that she's wishing someone would steal her - subtle complaining about her current boyfriend, staring off into space moodily, perhaps focusing on sappy music, etc. But DON'T act on these signs. This is really the time to "just be her friend", maybe even pull away a little. Forget to answer email for a few days. It'll drive her nuts that she can't get male attention when she wants it, and she will be more receptive to you in the future.
Having a deep, dark secret from your past is good, as long as it's nothing too weird, and preferably not your fault. Make her drag it out of you. It's best if you already have something like this, don't just make it up. We really can tell when you're TOTALLY full of shit.
Building The Tension
Remember that forbidden fruit is the sweetest. A female will often convince herself that since she can't easily have you (without cheating on her boyfriend), that you are actually her DESTINY, and that she is a victim of cruel fate. At this point she will begin to think of the boyfriend as an obstacle standing between you, two star-crossed lovers. Then she will become more hostile towards the boyfriend. She has to trick herself into thinking he is really bad, so that she won't feel guilty about dissing him. This leads us to...
What to do when she complains about the other guy? This is a tricky part. Some people have advised being nice to the boyfriend, others have advised sympathizing and agreeing with her when she complains. You have to handle this on a case-by-case basis. If the guy isn't really that bad, be nice, listen to her bitch, but keep responses neutral. This will make her feel even more conflicted, and even more that she is a victim of fate, and make her want you even more. On the other hand, if the guy is a total asshole, play up to that - but try to be subtle, just shake your head and mumble under your breath "some guys just don't realize how lucky they are." Refuse to repeat or explain the comment.
Remember Trent Reznor's words: "Nothing quite like the feel of something new". There IS a sexual aspect of this for her, maybe more than you realize. If you sense that you have some pretty good physical chemistry going on, enhance it: DON'T hug her, don't touch her, don't even do "accidental" touching while you're sitting next to each other in the movie theater. Let the tension build. And build. And build. Meanwhile, hug other female friends in front of her.
Say you're both driving in the car, and a particularly relevant/melodramatic song comes on the radio, like "Something I can Never Have" by Nine Inch Nails. (Don't diss me, I like NIN.) IMMEDIATELY fall silent. Increase the volume slightly. Look solemn and tragic. Avoid looking directly at her. If she really wants you, she will become totally silent too, and this giant writhing ball of tension will build up in the car between you until the next song comes on.
Don't, don't, don't pretend to have another girlfriend or love interest. This seems like a good idea, but it's not. Often it will completely remove all that tension you've been trying to build, as the female becomes depressed and starts feeling sorry for herself.
Making The Kill
It should be spontaneous and dramatic. If you're reasonably sure you'rereading all the signs correctly and not just deluding yourself, she wants you, you want her, etc, I wouldn't object to just grabbing her (firmly but gently), pushing her up against a wall and kissing her passionately (no tongue at first, please). Just remember that no means no, and if she resists at all, you really do have to stop. Period. Don't assume that no really means yes, otherwise you're liable to get slapped, and possibly beaten up by her boyfriend/father/brother.
Wait till the time is right. You may have to wait a while to spot the perfect opportunity. But when you do, go for it. Don't hesitate, act with confidence but not arrogance. And if she responds, don't assume you're automagically going to get paid, either.
Some other people suggested using alcohol. In my opinion this is:
- Unethical, even if you're both drunk. You will at that time stop being a "player" and become a "male pig asshole" bordering on "date rapist". At least in my book.
- Not much of a turn-on - why ruin the moment by having one or both of you slobbering drunk?
- Too damned easy.
- The sign of an amateur.
What To Do Afterwards
Now you have her. I realize this point of this is the stealing, not the having. But maybe you've actually fallen in love with her, maybe she is a worthy person and her previous boyfriend was a prick. There is no shame in this, you know. To quote Robert Heinlein, "It is never foolish to love." [Wasn't that Trent Reznor? - GS]
But if you have decided to go through with it and dump her or otherwise diss her, I have no specific advice. If she's basically a nice, honest person getting away from a bad situation, and you're twisting her head like this, you're going to have to face up to the fact that you're probably an asshole who deserves castration. If you're ok with that, then I'm sure you already have plenty of ideas for dumping.
But if she was already in a good relationship, and broke up with her boyfriend out of boredom or the lure of forbidden fruit, and you feel she would probably do the same to you, in my opinion you can extricate yourself from the relationship with minimal guilt.
By this point, some of you may again be wondering why I am selling out my own gender. It's simple. Any chick in a good relationship who will allow herself to be "stolen" by these means probably deserves whatever she gets. Maybe it will shake her up a bit and forget that "knight in shining armour" fantasy that we've all been programmed with. Maybe it will teach her to appreciate what she already has.
And maybe she'll stop dumping MY male friends, dammit.